How do you know if an italian is at a cock fight- He's the one that bets on the duck
How do you know if the mafia is involved? The duck wins.
Quote-"Evil will always triumph because good is dumb"
A picture of my computer ... scrnshot.
1) NO KNOWN SPECIES OF REINDEER CAN FLY, BUT THERE ARE 30,000 SPECIES OF LIVING ORGANISMS YET TO BE CLASSIFIED, AND WHILE MOST OF THESE ARE INSECTS AND GERMS, THIS DOES NOT COMPLETELY RULE OUT FLYING REINDEER WHICH ONLY SANTA HAS SEEN.
2) THERE ARE 2 BILLION CHILDREN (PERSONS UNDER 18) IN THE WORLD. BUT SINCE SANTS DOESN'T APPEAR TO HANDLE THE MUSLIM, HINDU, JEEWISH, AND BUDDHIST CHILDREN, THAT REDUCES THE WORKLOAD TO 15% OF THE TOTAL - 378 MILLION ACCORDING TO THE POPULATION REFERENCE BUREAU. AT AN AVERAGE CENSUS RATE OF 3.5 CHILDREN PER HOUSEHOLD, THAT'S 91.8 MILLION HOMES, WITH AT LEAST ONE GOOD CHILD IN EACH.
3) SANTA HAS 31 HOURS OF CHRISTMAS TO WORK WITH, THANKS TO THE DIFFERENT TIME ZONES AND ROTATION OF THE EARTH, ASSUMING HE TRAVELS EAST TO WEST. THIS WORKS OUT TO 822.6 VISITS PER SECOND. THIS IS TO SAY THAT FOR EACH CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD W/ GOOD CHILDREN, SANTA HAS 1/1000TH OF A SECOND TO PARK, HOP OUT OF THE SLEIGHT, JUMP DOWN THE CHIMNEY, FILL THE STOCKING, DISTRIBUTE THE REMAINING PRESENTS UNDER THE TREE, EAT WHATEVER SNACKS HAVE BEEN LEFT, GET BACK UP THE CHIMNEY, GET THE SACK INTO THE SLEIGH, AND MOVE ONTO THE NEXT HOME.
4) ASSUMING THAT EACH OF THESE 91.8 MILLION HOMES ARE EVENLY DISTRIBUTED AROUND THE EARTH, WE ARE NOW TALKING ABOUT 0.78 NUKES (WHOA - MEANT TO SAY MILES, BUT LEFT-SHIFTED MY RIGHT HAND ON THE KEYBOARD), THEREFORE CREATING A TOTAL TRIP OF 75.5 MILLIONS MILES, NOT COUNTING STOPS TO DO WHAT MOST OF US DO AT LEAST ONCE EVERY 31 HOURS.
5) THIS MEANS THAT SANTA'S SLEIGH IS MOVING AT 650 MILES PER SECOND, ABOUT 3000 TIMES THE SPEED OF SOUND. FOR PURPOSES OF COMPARISON, THE LATEST MAN-MADE VEHICLE ON EARTH, THE ULYSSES SPACE PROBE, MOVES AT 27.4 MILES PER SECOND, AND A CONVENTIONAL REINDEER CAN RUN TOPS, 15 MILES PER HOUR.
6) THE PAYLOAD ON THE SLEIGH IS INTERESTING. ASSUMING THAT EACH CHILD GETS NO MORE THAT A MEDIUM 0SIZED LEGO SET (2 POUNDS), THE SLEIGH IS CARRYING 321,000 TONS, NOT COUNTING SANTA, WHO IS DESCRIBED AS OVERWEIGHT. ON LAND, CONVENTIONAL REINDEER CAN PULL NO MORE THAT 300 POUNDS, AND SAYING THAT "FLYING REINDEER" CAN PULL 10 TIMES THE ORIGINAL AMOUNT, WE CANNOT DO THE JOB W/ EIGHT, OR EVEN NINE. WE NEED 214,000 REINDEER, WHICH INCREASES THE PAYLOAD - NOT COUNTING THE WEIGHT OF THE SLEIGH ITSELF - TO 353,430 TONS. THIS IS THE WEIGHT OF 4 QUEEN ELIZABETHS.
7) THE CRUISE SHIP, THAT IS.
8) 353,000 TONS TRAVELLING AT 650 MILES PER SECOND CREATES ENORMOUS AIR RESISTANCE - THIS WILL HEAT UP THE REINDEER UP IN THE SAME FASHION AS SPACECRAFTS RE-ENTERING THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE. THE LEAD PAIR OF REINDEER WILL ABSORB 12.3 QUINTILLION JOULES OF ENERGY.
9) PER SECOND. EACH.
10) IN SHORT, THEY WILL BURST INTO FLAME ALMOST INSTANTANEOUSLY, EXPOSING THE REINDEER BEHIND THEM, AND CREATING DEAFENING SONIC BOOMS IN THEIR WAKE. THE ENTIRE REINDEER TEAM WILL BE VAPORISED WITHING 4.26/1000THS OF A SECOND. SANTA, WILL BE SUBJECTED TO CENTRIFUGAL FORCES 17,500.06 TIMES GREATER THAN GRAVITY. A 250 POUND SANTA WOULD BE PINNED TO HIS SLEIGH BY ...
4,315,015 POUNDS OF FORCE